This is an incredibly personal story I planned to keep for my journal only, but it’s so beautiful I have to share it, especially with McRu!
12/30/23 journal entry…
Upon arriving in Mexico I had to have a come to Jesus moment with myself. I could either let the grief of Monica’s passing sequester me to the room or I could participate in life as Monica would insist I do. She was a bossy thing in life, I’m not about to mess with her in death.
Tonight, I was very emotional getting ready for dinner with Dan’s parents in Mexico. I was sobbing and pacing in the oversized bathroom. I had been traveling all day, exhausted, and was finally alone long enough to let it out. Today was the church service for Monica. I wasn’t there physically, but I was there all day mentally. After a while, I thought, ‘Monica wants me here with my family. I’m living, make the best of these moments.’ I wiped away my tears, put on a dress, and opened the door to the bedroom. The sunset at that moment hit my face with such an unusual abrupt gentleness… ‘Monica slapping me in the face saying, “Get your shit together, Woman!”’ It was blinding and it was spectacular. Monica loved the beach and the sun. I took extra time to recreate the moment— to record what I saw as I emerged from the bathroom during my moment of unfamiliar sadness.
I started a time-lapse recording and watched live. While I consciously zoned in on my grief and getting it out before dinner, I tuned in to the visual aspect of the wonder before me and only the sound of the ocean. Everything else just did not exist at that particular moment …No music, no voices of the kids playing below, no Dan, Paige, Connor…almost like my grief impaired my ability to have more than two well-functioning senses at once.
When the sun was fully set I was surprised to see Dan standing beside me. Teary he said, “I was quiet because I knew you needed this moment, but do you hear what song is playing?” Not until that exact moment did my hearing many sounds at once return just in time to hear the lyrics “🎶Don’t worry… about a thing…. Every little thing… is gonna be alright…🎶”Bob Marley’s 3 Little Birds blaring from the resort pool.
Dan said, “It’s practically like she’s right here telling you, it’s going to be alright.”
A few more things like this happened on my trip and I am convinced she’s with me.
The last sunset of our trip I stood on the balcony and asked Monica to send me a sign to let me know she’s alright. I snapped this picture thinking the sky looked photoshopped and unreal. It wasn’t until I was looking over vacation pics days later that I zoomed into the pink. I didn’t realize it at the time, but this was her sign. Since when did they start making heart-shaped sunsets?? This picture has not been altered!!
I had an incredible trip with my family. We spent quality time together making memories and I’m so grateful because the entire time I felt at peace and the great memories of Monica just kept coming. They wouldn’t stop. I would remember something from the late 80’s and bust up laughing at any given moment.
I will miss you forever, Mon!
