Hey Mon,
I finally wrote my sympathies to your brother today. I went with an old-fashioned letter, personal letterhead and all. This calls for the FaNcY shit.
When I think of Justin I remember him as a toddler. You positively adored “Judge”, however, you were tempted by mischief more. Remember when You hatched a plan to drop him down the laundry shoot?
We were probably 7-8 years old. You made an overly abundant soft landing for him one floor below with laundry room essentials…dirty towels, clothes, and blankets you took right off your bed. See… true love.
I didn’t have siblings yet, but I knew one thing for sure, little brothers weren’t meant for the laundry shoot. However, I liked the thrill I was feeling and wanted to see how this played out. ‘This is what being bad feels like.’
We assessed the landing together. I was 100% an accomplice if this went wonky!! Something in me, even as a young child, I always thought ‘safety first’!! We both stood, arms crossed, eyeballing— hole in ceiling to floor, hole in ceiling to floor. We would occasionally run to the pile and hurl our bodies onto it to see if it passed inspection. It did! Then… we heard The Dark Crystal start playing on TV and we never thought about “Project Judge Drop” again. If “Judge” ever went down that laundry shoot, I did not witness it.
As a mom now, I wonder what your Mom thought as she entered the laundry room to see our Mt Everest.
At first, I wasn’t sure why it was so hard to finally write to Justin. You’ve been gone nearly two months and I’ve had a card addressed to him, ready to go. I kept putting off buying a stamp, then, I lost it in my car for a few weeks. Then I decided I didn’t like what I wrote.
I think it’s because I have younger brothers of my own. Can’t help but wonder what E & J would be feeling had it been me. The truth is, I’m unfamiliar with this type of pain. I never lost anyone so close in age before. I suppose I should consider myself lucky considering I’m damn near 50, but you have a second-grader. How the fuck is that fair?!?
It’s easy being 3000 miles away. If I’m going to process this, I need to make a trip to CT to see your family. I want to show your family this blog. Hopefully, I will be able to navigate through it well enough to have something to show them while I’m there. Look at me Mon, still setting goals too high to achieve in little time….I’ll get there, you’ll see.
I’ll check on your Gram and her living arrangements— make sure she looks into the place where my grandparents live, Creamery Brook Village in Brooklyn. I hear it’s the tits!! Get the pun? Hahahah… I know you do!! I feel better already!
I wish you were here.
