My preferred aesthetic is Helen Roper with a shit ton of Moira Rose’s disposition.
Caftans and big, glorious jewelry
When I think of myself as a wife I will admit, it’s comical. Stereotypical, idyllic wife, I am not. I don’t routinely cook and I don’t clean per se. I can do both and in a pinch, I will, but a few years back we hired a cleaning lady to deep-clean biweekly. It is the best money ever spent! I will not be giving this up anytime soon and I highly recommend it! Between the four of us, we keep up with the chores in between deep clean visits. Plus, I’m supporting a small, female-owned business, which is also the business of a neighborhood mom.
The cooking part is tricky. Between two youth schedules and one school administrator’s schedule, we tend to come together at various times of the evening during the week. This means on weekends Dan and I insist we all have breakfast together. We like to go out, but sometimes it’s nice to just sit in pajamas and cook at home. We have our best family laughs at breakfast it seems.
Of everything I’ve done in my life, I’m proudest of the family Dan and I made together. No matter how ugly it may seem, we communicate well and work it out together. We hug more in private than most families I imagine, though my kids won’t ever confirm or deny that. My anxiety notifies my gut that ‘this could be the last hug’— every time.
I struck gold when I met Dan. Is it weird that my husband taught me more about love than anyone else in my life? I suppose that sounds like a dig on my parents, but it’s not.
On Dan’s last birthday, I wrote his mother a thank you. She raised my perfect match. Everything I never knew I needed came in the form of a middle school teacher in the PNW. Dan’s ability to communicate effectively is unparalleled. He taught me how to love in a way that has enriched all my relationships, most importantly the relationship I have with myself. Dan has supported me wholeheartedly through some fucked up shit— including revisiting my past in order to fix broken pieces of myself.
‘How am I supposed to be a good Mom present day when my head is in another decade?!?’
Try not to judge, it wasn’t scandalous. My point is, Dan saw me struggling big time and he came through for me in every way imaginable. He never shamed me. He encouraged me and saw to it that I had the space I needed to get my head healthy again.
He loves me. I feel it. I see it. I hear it. Without a doubt, he is in my corner and I am his number one. It feels good to know that.
Before I met Dan I was fiercely independent. In 1998 I moved to Los Angeles. Within eleven days I had a job, an apartment, and a car. I spent eight years there and I applied myself surprisingly well to continue my education. In 2005, I interviewed and was offered a job in Vienna Austria, but declined. The job wasn’t even in my field, but when there was an opportunity, I took it and weighed my options.
In 2006, I moved to Oregon on my own and five months later I met my future husband.
Life puts you where you need to be. I’ve never been more sure of that in my life.
I loved this lesson, but I hated learning it. As I age, I clearly see all the ways my life could have been different. I should write a choose-your-own-adventure book on my life and the choices that presented themselves. Holy shitballs! Had I taken the job in Vienna?🤷🏻♀️ Had I not moved to LA? Had I been just a little bit less determined- I would not have met the love of my life.
This post ended up being a love letter to my guy. Sometimes I don’t know what I’m going to write about and the words just come. I’m not going to tell him I wrote it and see how long it takes for him to mention it. To me, he’s the funniest person on the planet and my love for him knows no bounds. I love you, Babe!
-JD
